It’s still lockdown season over here.
Hopeful hubs of mine points out full house stadiums at sporting events held overseas, proof that some kind of return to normalcy exists out there and may someday be ours again.
Oh, but we are still far, far away from the return to a non-MCO setup. Country officials have set their markers/parameters/whatever you wish to call it on what needs to be achieved before we can lift lockdown restrictions and the prospects are grim yet.
While of course I wouldn’t want the restrictions of an FMCO to continue indefinitely, there are certain aspects of this lockdown lifestyle that appeal to my introverted tendencies.
Being homebound has never been a problem for me, since I am the kind that likes being indoors anyway. However, the rest of the family isn’t the same as me so the nice part about all of this is having my loved ones perpetually around me.
I know this won’t last for very long, and with a 90% male household, it’s quite likely that everyone’s going to want to bound out the door the moment they’re allowed to (or old enough to, in the case of the kids). So I guess I better savour this for as long as I can afford to.
Because my future will quite possibly entail a scenario where I’m at home alone with everyone else out and about. I’ll be happy for them then, being wherever they need to be, but my heart shall always look forward to the moment when everyone returns and is reunited in one space.
Hubs here is almost perpetually miserable with the current “just stay at home” arrangement. He’s learned to live with it, but he has made it clear he doesn’t fancy it one bit. So nope, I’m going to have to dash my hopes of him ever setting up his own business and having it operated from a home office.
There goes the possibility of a flexi work lifestyle and the chance of holidaying as and when we like, and setting our own unconventional family routines. Might as well dash hopes of homeschooling the kids too (a thought which I fleetingly return to, hoping to offer my children a chance at learning while enjoying a freedom I never had back when I was a student; a discourse of which would be lengthy enough to probably warrant an entire post of its own).
I’m still presently stuck in this restless state of indecision on whether continuing a freelance writing career is a good idea. Or whether I should completely immerse myself in the entire Stay-At-Home-Mum package. Perhaps I should have just dived right in 6 years ago and made that final. As it stands, it’s always a back-and-forth thing, teetering in between being able to devote all of my attention to the kids and being constantly distracted either by chores or work or both. That element of variety in routine can be good at times, but mostly it’s hard.
Meanwhile, the days continue to bleed into one another. It’s difficult to distinguish one from the next. They all seem the same, yet the all carry with them different permutations of moods, thoughts, events and even menu.
But the kids are the bright spot amidst all the bleakness. They are growing so fast, and they are so full of zest for life. But I suppose that’s what being young is like… And that’s something I’m not anymore, no matter how you look at it.