Mess mania

Illustration: This mess is a place
Image source: This Mess is a Place

There is this ongoing mental list of things that I’d like to accomplish within my lifetime. The list keeps growing, and to be honest, I rarely get round to actually doing any of the items on that list.

Sometimes, when I want to describe how it feels like with all these cluttered thoughts littering the insides of my head, the word that comes to mind is “messy”. My thought life is a mess.

Perhaps you can blame it on the fact that most of us Gen Ys are easily distracted. I do admit that one of the reasons that I think of so many things to do and never really act on them is the fact that it is really easy for me to get sidetracked and end up focusing on something I hadn’t intended on actually doing in the first place than the original task I had in mind.

What I’m doing right now is a classic example. I’m writing a blog post when I should in fact be vacuuming the floor. At least that’s what I told myself I would aim to do before Deric and I left home to go over to my parent’s place for dinner tonight.

The other thing about this mental list of To-Dos that I store in my head is that I think very often I procrastinate getting down to getting them done because I have some irrational level of fear regarding those items.

For example, one constant item that has been on the list for years is “Write a book”. I’ve always wanted to publish a beautifully bound, hard copy of something that I’ve written. And if it can make money for me as well, even better.

But for some reason or another, I’ve always put it off. Ideas have come and gone, and I discard most of them because I think they’re lousy and I fear that absolutely NO ONE will ever be interested in them or would even want to read any further than the first sentence once they’ve laid eyes on my masterpiece.

So, mainly because these two reasons (endless distractions and ridiculous fears), my mind is a mess and my ambitions stay stuck, hanging in the balance.

I am now 30 years of age. I have probably already lived a third or half of my life span as it is. I really must find a better way of getting the items on my list done before the unexpected moment of death creeps up on me. I don’t really relish the thought of ending my life wrapped up in feelings of regret.

These are the thoughts that I am carrying with me today as I think about the week that is before me (Deric and I are on leave the whole of this week – a rarity, yet I have this uncanny tendency of being able to waste such time as this all too easily) and the fact that 2013 is very quickly reaching its conclusion.

Sometimes I wonder why God has made me so much of a dreamer. I feel it is one of my greatest follies.

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