It’s a really funny feeling being pregnant.
I might have already said this, but I think it bears repeating. It’s a strange thing to be aware of this tiny life growing inside me. It’s such an alien concept.
The more I think about it, the more I sometimes feel it is also rather creepy. All these curious little changes going on deep inside my body as the baby takes on a humanly shape, slowly but surely developing into the person God means for her or him to become.
On the one hand, I feel directly responsible for how the baby grows. I do my best to ensure I eat as regularly and healthily as possible, although I must admit I don’t always succeed despite my good intentions.
Then again, much of what’s going on in my womb is far beyond my control. I don’t even realise what’s happening most of the time. I only can tell from the side effects. For instance, if I feel lightheaded or sick on a particular day, I sometimes surmise that the baby might be experiencing a growth spurt on that same day.
When I think of things in the latter perspective, I am often humbled and awed by the wonder of it all. I think of these verses from the Bible each time:
“For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!”
(Psalms 139:13-17, NKJV)
My thoughts also turn to pondering how it must have been 31 years ago when I myself was in my mother’s womb as well. Unborn, and yet being carefully fashioned by a loving God who already knew and had planned what I would become and who I would be.
My birthday approaches in a few days’ time. I guess in a way that makes the timing of these thoughts even more meaningful.
It’s an interesting experience, pregnancy, full of mystery and wonder. I feel the same awe towards it all as I did when I was approaching marriage. That sense that it’s something I will never be wholly prepared for, or ever worthy of. And yet, here I am.
So much of what happens as the baby grows inside you takes place silently, in secret, somewhat. But God orchestrates it all. And that is just wonderful.