Going the distance

For some reason, I feel slightly sad about how my life has turned out thus far. It’s not that it has been that bad overall, but somehow it feels as if it has fallen short of the “abundant life” and the “great plans God has for your life” philosophy that I grew up with in church.

I am thankful for what I have, but somehow, after all the excitement that I had in years past about my future, it feels like perhaps my expectations had been set far too high.

At the end of it all, I’m just here, in my small corner of the world, focusing on motherhood and sustaining a humble little freelance career.

My social circles shrink by the year.

Time on my hands is compressed to the point that I have barely any space for hobbies and personal interests. So many craft and DIY projects I have in mind just piling up unfinished. Or in some cases, not even begun.

I suppose this is just a phase. A season of sorts. Things will change and it will be different all too soon. And perhaps I’ll even miss what I have now. What the future holds could be better, or it could be worse. I’ll not know till I’m right smack in the middle of it.

I need a reason to keep going. Other than the familiar lines of “God loves you” and “you are special” and “there’s no one else who can do what you do”.

I wonder if I’ll find it. Or I’ll simply perish in my meagre existence.

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