Different

Got up awhile ago. It’s 6+am over here. Am about to attempt to get some overdue work done. 

Before doing so, however, I decided to do some housekeeping for one of my email accounts (yes, I still keep a few). In the process, I came across an email from klpac about an upcoming Malaysian Jazz Piano Festival

I suddenly recalled those more carefree days in the past where such an email would have triggered me to forward it Deric (we were merely dating back then), and it would probably end up with either one of us spontaneously saying, “Let’s go!”. That was the life we used to have. One that I sometimes almost barely remember. 

These days, our lives (and schedules) are so tightly wrapped around work, cooking, cleaning (and other miscellaneous house chores) and raising Jamie. In between, we sometimes manage to slot in some chatter about pop culture (movies, music and the like). But it’s a case of observing and marvelling from afar. 

We’ve only been on one movie date since Jamie was born. We haven’t been on any other dates besides that. We haven’t attended a concert together since… I can’t remember when. We also haven’t had a leisurely, fancy restaurant meal in quite some time as well. 

We are a little challenged financially at the moment. So we cook as much as we can. Buying things on a whim is something that happens more rarely. Or rather, we only do so when the cost involved is pretty low. Concerts like that sold out Coldplay one in Singapore are just passing clouds in our expansive blue sky. Gone are the days we would actually go for it. Because we can’t. More or less. 

From the moment I wake to the moment I nod off to sleep, Jamie is by my side and needing me (especially when he wants to nurse). Some days, I take it well. On others, I feel resentful and sometimes wonder if we did the right thing having a child. 

Forcing myself to be up to work at this hour used to be a rarity. But it occurs fairly often now (for as much as my body can tolerate it, and Jamie remains fast asleep, that is). 

Everything’s different now. But would I change it all? 

I’m not sure. Probably not though. 

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