Bucks bunny

Here’s something that has been bothering me lately: Our family’s lack of finances and how it could be better.

I’m no entrepreneur, but now and then, I do entertain thoughts of trying out this or that thing. And thinking, maybe this will help with the finances. Perhaps it could be the breakthrough we need.

And then I sit on the idea and wait.

Or I tell it to my husband, only to get discouraged because so far, he hasn’t ever become too excited about any of the thoughts which I have shared with him.

At other times, I would reflect on my freelance writing career. And then feel bad that it doesn’t quite bring in the kind of income that I had hoped it would.

Where some of these situations might have motivated someone else to take action, for me, it often just discourages me.

I am by no means an Energiser bunny. Even less so a bucks bunny.

Wonder

It’s been a really long time since I last wrote poetry. This one came about thanks to one of the weekly prompts that are posted on a Facebook group I am part of that’s called Malaysian Writers Community:

His tiny eyes
Scan his surroundings
A smile as warm as sunshine
Toddling across the room
He searches for a muse
Sticky, little fingers ever curious
Reaching out to a world of wonder
Stumbling, he remembers
Turning to meet my gaze
He contemplates the distances between
Adventure and freedom;
Comfort and familiarity.

Expansion

While the year is still pretty fresh and crisp and new, I ought to make it a point to expand the variety of content on this blog.

There are things I have carried in my head for months and years, but have yet to surface in writing in any of my (past and present) blogs. Perhaps it is time to put some things into words.

In addition to what I usually talk about here, which is mostly parenting, my writing career and life reflections, I shall aim to share more with you about the following:

  1. Food (because well, we are Malaysians and it is such a big part of our culture)
  2. Craftwork that I indulge in
  3. Quirky stuff I stumble upon online (as a vague means of continuing an old column I used to write during my journo days)
  4. Music music music (because I was raised on it)
  5. Books and movies (whenever I do get round to consuming any such forms of entertainment)
  6. My life as a church leader’s kid
  7. Marriage and love life issues in general (without revealing too much that it will embarrass my husband, hopefully!)
  8. Poetry (oh it’s been so long since)
  9. Photography (something I have always wanted to delve into but never quite got round to enough)

Alright, I think that’s quite enough to keep me occupied throughout 2018. If anything other than the above comes to mind, I’ll be sure to alert you to it. For now though, I think that’ll do.

I also have to forewarn you that I may, on occasion, go through random bursts where I put up more than one post at a time. Or sometimes none at all for a prolonged season. This being all because my life is currently unpredictable like that. Thanks to one growing and roving toddler.

Anyway, I hope to be back to see you soon. Need to focus on getting some work done meantime. Plus, son is snoozing on my lap and I need to dispose of him put him back into his bed.

TTFN!

Blog buddy

I am happy to note that a friend of mine has recently joined the WordPress community. 

It’s becoming a rare thing indeed these days to have friends who blogs. I miss the time when nearly everyone was blogging and it was customary to include the links of your friends’ blogs in the sidebar of your own blog. Having friends leave comments in your posts was really fulfilling. At least you know they had read all that you had written. 

Well, those days are long gone. 

So you can imagine my glee whenever someone I know decides to start a blog of their own. 

MY is a churchmate and a most talented cook. She writes of her AIP journey, kitchen capers and other miscellaneous adventures at The Food Quarters. Do drop by to check it out. 

Shift, twist

I guess the way I blog really needs to change. No more long and windy posts. Mostly because there’s not enough spare time to write them. 

But still thoughts and feelings and stories aplenty. If only I can manage to find the words to describe them adequately… 

This shift in style and approach begins now. Let’s hope for better things appearing here.

How to catch a cloud

With your eyes tight shut and your arms outstretched,
Hopes held high, though not a dream in sight just yet
Open wide your mouth and rhythmically swallow
Before long you’ll catch some
A wind of change,
A path to follow; 
That’s yours, that cloud
So wait as long as you need for it
It will surely come soon 
Today or perhaps tomorrow. 

***
Been awhile since I wrote poetry. This title seems worthy of converting into a short story. Perhaps if I manage to conjure a plot, I shall. Someday. 

Failed!

So it’s August already and I might as well say it now. I failed at Camp Nanowrimo. Me and the word “Nanowrimo” really don’t seem to jive very well. It’s sad.

But a part of me knows that I had sort of already declared myself defeated (internally) before it actually happened in real life. Funny thing is that I did try at first. Yet I kind of expected it. 

And when that distasteful blowup occurred with family lately (an incident that I suppose I should address to some degree of greater detail at some point), I guess I gave up keeping on with the writing. Because it all made me feel so lousy. Like, why bother doing it when I’m such a horrible person inside?

See, the thing about this family issue was that it hits at one of my core beliefs that family is everything, and a huge part of my heart is broken when I realise that sometimes the things I felt about my family weren’t always valued as much by the people on the other end. Also the glaring reality that family members still to this day do not really understand what I am all about nor seem to actually care that I have an avenue to express my feelings or be myself. 

Well, this is something that has been brewing under the surface for awhile now, so I guess it’s no wonder that an eruption would take place at some point.

Whatever it is, it feels like there’s a splinter that just got embedded on the inside of my heart. And although melancholy does sometimes help writing along, something of this magnitude isn’t something you’d want to hope to have even if it is for art’s sake.

Perhaps I have myself to blame? For all these unfinished writing endeavours. For even starting in the first place yet being halfhearted and torn about it all. Ironic too that the theme of my writing project had been imperfection. Oh yes. Seemed like a brilliant idea at the time.

And then there are all these relationships I’m supposed to have nurtured better. Which I am apparently not doing too well at either.

It’s never fun when things explode or implode in front of you. I feel like I just had both.