Reminisce

Back when I was a new Mum, I started a blog with a friend about our early days in motherhood. It was great, but sadly, it didn’t last for very long.

I’ve often thought of reviving it since having my second son, but have been delaying it because the site does kind of need some kind of sprucing up, and just as with every other project I hope to embark on, I am always hoping to devote enough time till I am satisfied with the result before making it public/known.

But aargh. Will it ever happen? Or will it be like almost every other motherhood related project I’ve ever dreamed up: Never executed, only to have my child grow up. Pfft.

I intended to recruit a bigger pool of writers this time, and to maybe extend the content contribution to go beyond just writing to maybe even art forms or any other kind of expression that can properly encapsulate the journey of motherhood.

So far, I’ve only mentioned these intentions to the original friend whom I started the blog with and another Mum friend. Heh. I wonder will I be creating unnecessary expectations that I can’t meet. I seem to be always doing that.

Anyway, it was kind of quaint to revisit those old blog posts and to briefly remember what it was like in Jamie’s first year of life. Oh how well I wrote back then. How I pen words these days seems to be but a shadow of my past writer self.

I can’t stay for long at the moment (isn’t that always the case nowadays?) but I’m glad I popped in.

Dear reader, I hope you are well. I certainly haven’t blogged as frequently as I had hoped (again, normal behaviour by my standards, isn’t it?) but I hope you’re still hanging on every word. Rest assured that whenever I am not posting something here I am actually endlessly thinking of what is worth writing about here. But self censorship prevails way too often, unfortunately.

Well, the morning’s coming so I’ll catch you later.

Provision

Life, it seems, is this odd collection of events, jumbled together in seemingly random combinations.

Just when I think I’m finally about to get a breather and play catch-up with things I’ve been neglecting for too long, something new springs up and my attention is diverted again.

For once, I actually managed to get my work done way ahead of schedule. And so I thought I’d have this considerable amount of time to get the home organised and perhaps, even be able to indulge in some hobbies for awhile.

But alas, something evil lurks about in the background. Well, somewhat.

I get a new ad-hoc request for work. My son falls sick and has to skip school.

My life is topsy turvy once again. Goodbye, plans.

I ought to get back to bed soon. I fell asleep not intending to earlier, and then was awakened twice in between all that by my son, who is currently running a fever.

I had a shower after we took his temperature and gave him meds. And now I’ve just finished having a midnight snack (way past midnight, really) of air fried frozen nuggets and lettuce with Kewpie sesame dressing. Listened to some new music via Facebook and indulged my curiosity for a bit in the singing couple, Us The Duo, who are currently doting over their firstborn infant.

Ah, why do so many women look so gorgeous post delivery and during the first year of their newborn’s life? I remember looking worse than crap and feeling pretty much the same too. I was stumped on what to wear, and struggled to locate breastfeeding friendly clothes from my wardrobe (didn’t really want to spend unnecessarily on nursing wear, so tried my best to use what I have). My hair was pretty much in a bun most of the time, unless I finally chopped more than half of it off in an attempt to simplify grooming (which I clearly had no time to do, especially in that first year of parenthood).

I guess I don’t expect to feel any better when #2 makes his/her entrance into the world. Only good thing is, as my ob/gyn says, I have the benefit of experience now. So I know what to expect, more or less. Ha.

International Women’s Day has just passed lately and being a Work-At-Home Mum (WAHM), there was no employer to surprise me with flowers or delightful treats at my (non-existent) work desk. In fact, I spent last Friday mostly working in a silent home while being grateful that I actually could find the time to work because my son could attend preschool that day as his flu seemed to be getting better. (It has since morphed into a cough and fever. Bah.)

Anyway, social media reminded me through the many posts of others that this significant day was being commemorated. So it made me think for a moment about my womanhood and how it has been so far.

In some ways, it’s sad to think that I had to choose to become a WAHM because my former employer had no options available for me to explore in terms of more flexible work arrangements. Perhaps it might have been different for my career had I been able to remain a journalist in some form or measure while raising my young son. But that was not to be.

So ultimately, being a Mum came with certain choices that needed to be made. Essentially, this is part of being a woman too. As much as men sometimes like to belittle the female gender saying we harp too much on gender equality and all that, the truth is sometimes that we do have a different set of life circumstances dealt to us just because we are female. And we do need every bit of support we can get from others (men included) to help make it possible for us to become the best people we can be. And to not let being a woman become a hindrance in any way.

Just my two cents.

On another matter, I am marvelling at how God is graciously providing for us during this pregnancy so far. I am thankful for a uni friend who so happens to be also pregnant at this time (our EDDs are like just weeks apart, with me being in the lead). We are both also expecting our second child, so that makes our experiences pretty similar in nature. This makes me feel not so alone in my journey.

I remember I had a similar situation last time during my first pregnancy with Jamie. A friend I knew from my days in iBridge (a Christian ministry to support young adults who are just entering the workforce) and I were pregnant with EDDs that were also just weeks apart.

It was cool. We shared so much with each other throughout our pregnancies, and we also discussed so much together throughout the first year of our parenthood experience. (However, things changed rapidly moving from then onwards, and we haven’t been as much in touch as before – but that is a tale for another time).

These are just little stuff, but it really does help.

Got plenty more things to be worried about this pregnancy (costs of healthcare being one), but I’m trying my hardest to take things one step at a time.

Meanwhile, I am also thinking a lot about whether I am doing enough to bring out the potential in my eldest child. I have seen him grow so much in the past few months, and I’ve never been prouder. But I also know there’s going to be a lot of changes ahead for him. I wonder whether we will be able to help him navigate through this season well.

Guess I have to trust that God will provide for us in every way, be it in terms of physical needs or even the emotional/mental/spiritual aspects of this part of our family’s journey. He has been faithful all throughout past seasons, of course, so I have literally no excuse to believe that things would be any different now.

(Small note: The image you see at the start of the post is my son’s masterpiece of arranging magnetic music notes on my old music board which my Mum kept since my preschool days lol).

Blurt

Okay, so maybe I should just say some things to get them out of my system. This is MY blog after all…

– You idiots who call yourselves my friends, we are as good as strangers because you have no inkling about anything that has happened in my life lately. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s not. But your ignorance is glaringly obvious. And it stings.

– And you lot who know me for a lifetime and more, how is it you can still manage to misunderstand my motives and doubt me? Sorry for always rubbing you the wrong way, but hmm, when do real conversations and conflict resolution begin?

Alrighty, I feel tons better already.

Move along now, nothing to see here. Brb with another more useful post. TTFN.

The hazards of hyperconnectivity

Staying in sync with what’s going on in the lives of those around you has become far too easy a task. By simply consulting your mobile device and connecting to the Internet, you immediately have at your fingertips access to a whole lot of information about the people in your social circles, perhaps more than your brain can actually absorb and retain at times.

But do you really know the people you are friends with on social media? To what extent do you have a real connection with them beyond the clever comments you leave all over their Facebook wall or Instagram images?

In the weekend that just was, my mother had a second episode of stroke. It happened fast, and was soon over, and she reacted fast enough to get herself medical attention such that there doesn’t seem to be any lasting damaging effects from the incident.

While I am relieved that all turned out well and that God was gracious, this unexpected event brought to the fore once more a very disturbing reality that most of us unfortunately now live in: The fact that, although we are often surrounded by people both in real life and virtually, hardly anyone (or sometimes, even no one at all) is aware of a difficult situation that has befallen us.

In this instance, no one outside of my immediate family knew about what happened to my Mum or that we spent a considerable part of our Saturday at a nearby hospital.

Not a single person from any of those I communicated with online over the past few days. Nor anyone whom I met on Sunday, which was yesterday (and this includes all my fellow church members too).

Of course, you could say that part of the onus rests on me to let others know whenever I am in need of help and all that. And that me sitting it out in a corner and lamenting that nobody cares is just a self indulgent thing, since everybody has their own set of things to deal with in life and it’s sometimes asking a lot that people concern themselves with me in particular.

But what does this say about the superficiality of relationships these days?

If you must know, I do not count you as a close friend if you don’t really understand or know about how I feel or the things I think about. The fact that you had a conversation with me or that we have some things in common isn’t enough for me to feel like we really know each other. However, in case you think I am such a high maintenance individual, I do, in the same vein, hold myself to similar standards when it comes to the way I would like to ideally relate to others.

Is this asking too much?

Maybe.

Yet, every so often , I rethink this entire social setup that we as a society have gotten ourselves into and I feel that we have sadly settled for far too low standards when it comes to who we regard as our friends. Perhaps we should be more specific and call these people — who have no clue about who we are on a personal level — for what they truly are: acquaintances.

And if you’re reading this and you do know me in person, I hope it somehow moves you to reconsider how we relate to each other. Or how you are perhaps overlooking what is actually happening in the lives of the people you are in touch with on a regular basis.

Blog buddy

I am happy to note that a friend of mine has recently joined the WordPress community. 

It’s becoming a rare thing indeed these days to have friends who blogs. I miss the time when nearly everyone was blogging and it was customary to include the links of your friends’ blogs in the sidebar of your own blog. Having friends leave comments in your posts was really fulfilling. At least you know they had read all that you had written. 

Well, those days are long gone. 

So you can imagine my glee whenever someone I know decides to start a blog of their own. 

MY is a churchmate and a most talented cook. She writes of her AIP journey, kitchen capers and other miscellaneous adventures at The Food Quarters. Do drop by to check it out.