Okay, so maybe I should just say some things to get them out of my system. This is MY blog after all…

– You idiots who call yourselves my friends, we are as good as strangers because you have no inkling about anything that has happened in my life lately. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s not. But your ignorance is glaringly obvious. And it stings.

– And you lot who know me for a lifetime and more, how is it you can still manage to misunderstand my motives and doubt me? Sorry for always rubbing you the wrong way, but hmm, when do real conversations and conflict resolution begin?

Alrighty, I feel tons better already.

Move along now, nothing to see here. Brb with another more useful post. TTFN.

Nobody reads this

It's just a hunch, but I'm almost pretty sure that none of the people I know in real life are actually reading my blog. Or even know that I have this one out there.

I could do the narcissistic thing of posting about it on social media like what most people might do. In fact, I had done so in the past. But then it feels so much like asking for markah kesian from the school teacher. I'd rather people stumble upon the blog than me having to stuff it in front of their face and make them feel obliged to comment or do anything about it.

But this isn't saying I don't appreciate you, my random reader. If even one person out there reads any of this and derives something positive out of it, at least I can feel that this is all worth it.

Anyway, whatever the case may be, I'm still committed to writing here and keeping this blog alive. For now. Unless and until something tells me to stop. That moment hasn't come yet.

Tiny corner

Image source: Homestation Magazine
Image source: Homestation Magazine

Perhaps I should add a visitor counter to this blog. Just so my suspicions can be confirmed by solid facts.

Most of the time, I get the feeling that this blog isn’t really read by much of anyone. Or maybe even no one at all. I don’t think many people even remember I have a blog. Well, I’m not about to go out of my way to make that fact known… again.

Anyway, it’s pretty much accurate to say that I don’t really write the kind of stuff that people like to read about.

Based on social media trends these days, I have been led to think that in general, most people  like to read about unusual stuff, sensational news and just any tidbit of information that gives them the lowdown on what everyone else is interested in. They are especially interested in the latter because they want to pick up on whatever that thing it is that is being highlighted just so that they can fit in with the rest of the crowd.

These are just my observations, which may or may not be an accurate view. Just saying.

By the way, I’m really sorry that I’m actually wasting your life by making you read this extremely pessimistic and useless post. It’s one of those nights where I don’t feel so brilliant and am almost convinced that the world has no real need for me.

Perhaps it’s just the way that I’m dealing with a tiny bout of anger that has been festering since earlier tonight.

What does anger have to do with self-defeating conversations like this one, you may wonder. Well, I’m not entirely sure I know how to answer you. All  know is that, based on past experiences, it seems to be the case that negative feelings tend to come in a package.

High chance is that you’ll end up with two, five, ten, for the price of one. Don’t say nobody warned you.

Well, just so you know, I often think about what I should blog about for this website of mine. In fact, lately I have been pondering this even more than usual. I guess I want to make it count for something. So that if ever anyone actually ventures out here, they will feel their lives enriched just because of something I had written.

That’s a hard thing to do though, because it’s difficult to figure out what exactly people need to read in order to feel enlightened or cheered up or wiser.

Plus, the question also comes to mind whether I should be blogging for the sake of creating people pleasing content. Or instead, whether I should just say my piece and just let it be…  regardless of the outcome.

Late night episode

As the title clearly implies, it’s another night where I’m up at what some might refer to as an ungodly hour.

(Although I am inclined to believe there are no such hours that can be considered as such since God is present in every hour and if He is there, how is then ungodly?)

This is all because I slept a little too early due to tiredness and hence, my body wants to do me a great service by reminding one too many hours too late that I really should get up because I have things to do.

I’m now contemplating whether I should go over some unfinished work or busy myself with cutting capsicums in the kitchen in an attempt to reduce my stress levels in preparing dinner tomorrow… or should I say, later today?

A bird has just started chirping. At past four in the morning. What a sprightly creature.

I feel it’s way too coincidental that it should suddenly start tweeting (yes, that’s what birds have always done, long before we created a virtual alternative for which the word is now frequently used). Perhaps it’s another of God’s reminders to me that He is here with me, even at quiet, lonely hours as this.

My back hurts and I still wonder why. Maybe a trip to the doctor will be needed in the morning. Sigh. There are very tangible bodily signs that I am soon breaching the 30s age bracket.

So soon. Too soon.

And what has my life become thus far? Not much, I would say.

I sometimes wish there was more purpose and meaning to these day-to-day episodes. Beyond the work deadlines, house chores and social obligations.

God, if only You would inject a little more revelation and inspiration into these times. I know You don’t owe it to me to do so, but it would just sorta be nice.