Find your feet

Hello, I’m back!

It’s been a pretty decent start to 2019 so far.

Our little family of 3 has more or less gotten used to waking up a whole lot earlier every day, in order to adapt to the new preschool routine that we all have a part of now that Jamie has started kindy.

On the whole, it’s been a relatively positive experience. I think we’re all benefitting from waking up earlier and trying to have earlier dinners and bedtimes. It’s not been perfect, but I think we haven’t done too badly either.

Jamie started off his first week of school with lots of pee episodes, sometimes changing up to 2 sets of uniforms in just one morning. But the situation has improved tremendously since then, I am glad to report.

I am happy to see him learning lots of new stuff (which he will randomly inform me of we are spending the day together, like while having lunch or when I am bathing him or grooming him). He is indeed growing up so fast!

Since Day #1 that he stepped into kindy, Jamie has not ever cried at drop off time. In fact, I notice he is the kind of boy who goes right in to join in the action and doesn’t look back. I am so proud of him.

Deric is also turning up at work each day earlier than before, thanks to him joining us for the morning commute to school and hopping off at the nearby LRT station to catch the train to work.

Now February has rolled in and Chinese New Year is almost upon us. It’s going to be a week long break from both school and work (Deric’s on leave as well for this period), so I do have my concerns on how we’ll adjust back to the regular routine afterwards.

For now, I’m looking forward to having lots of enjoyable family time this week and hopefully having plenty of yummy cookies and other delightful snacks to munch on over this festive season.

I’d like to share more about the other stuff going on in the background right now, but I am still struggling with regards to how to do so.

In particular, I note that people sharing their parenting journey online tend to reside within some extreme camp or another.

Some take on the cool and collected stance, sharing their truckloads of wisdom and zen. Others are constantly spitting out profanities and making light of every possible thing, sometimes in the most irreverent and distasteful of ways. There are those who go out of their way to snap pictures of life at its worse, just so they appear more relatable. And then there are the others who upload picture perfect snapshots every time: Holidays, fancy food and sponsored posts aplenty.

I’m not sure I fit into any of those categories.

To be honest, I just want to share candidly what we have been through, and hope to inspire others in some form or another. But I feel like my words are so dull and flavourless, and my stories so ordinary. So I hesitate.

So far, though, my son seems to be growing up just fine, and we aren’t in dire straits financially yet. I have still managed to maintain at least ONE steady client at all times. And I have a bit of my sanity back now that I have time alone for a few hours every school day.

There are some other changes coming up which I am already aware of, but for now, I guess I ought to be thankful for what I do have. And I really ought to talk more with you guys about these many thoughts in my head.

I’m off for a Mandarin orange for now. Will be back soon in another post (I sincerely hope).

Fleeting

Dinner is due and there’s still things left to be done in the kitchen. But I feel compelled to write, even if just a bit.

Today has been such a mixed bag of emotions. Jamie and I went to visit another potential preschool today. It didn’t go too badly, but the experience made me realise how much growing up is expected of children these days, even while they are still at a tender age.

It is marvellous to be able to witness a child capable of so much at so early on in their life, but is it necessary? Are we in fact curbing their freedom to just be a child and savour the world as-is by demanding that they are able to meet supposedly age appropriate abilities? How does it feel for a child who isn’t able to comply at the time it is expected of them?

The other thought that occurred to me today is how limited my time alone with Jamie every day is becoming. For what seemed like an eternity, it felt like things would remain the way they are now for a long time more to come, but the reality is these days of being at home with me 24/7 will end soon. Surely there will be exciting times ahead thereafter, just that I wonder have I done enough to equip him for this upcoming next phase.

Here is the startling realisation I have come to after having been at home with Jamie for just about three years: It’s not necessarily enough to just be at home with your child. Being available and being physically present are two different things. I regret to say that often times, I am only one of those two things and not both. It is a sad sort of feeling when you become aware of this. I still have no useful enough remedy to overcome this problem.

It’s true what they say that we have such a short time with our kids before they move on in life. I already feel the weight of this reality. I can only hope that my husband and I are preparing Jamie well enough for whatever is ahead of him despite the limitations we have in terms of time, money and other resources.

Because essentially, I guess that’s what parenting is about: Helping them find their feet and equipping them to be able to handle whatever life throws their way. Building resilience. Shaping character. Leaving them with enough strength to go on, even when the time comes that we can no longer accompany them.