Talk

Sometimes, I just want to talk something out.

Because talking gives sense to words, and arranging words in sentences helps you process situations, people, ideas.

But apparently talking annoys people a lot. Maybe because they’d have to listen and it’s things they don’t want to hear.

Well, we’ve all got things we are uncomfortable about. But if we don’t say them… don’t try to let them fall out in broken sentences or imperfect words… then how will we resolve them?

It’s bothering me currently that often, many people I know prefer to sweep things under the carpet and let it fester for years and years instead of just bringing it up and talking about it.

Could it be that the simple solution lies in just having a conversation about it and just having the freedom to express whatever needs to be said?

But no. Far better to stick to only saying nice things, and to smooth out the rough edges, always berating the one who wants to discuss things.

That someone being me, of course.

I’ve always believed that there is a resolution for every difficult issue out there. But I’m coming to realise that this only true when all parties involved want to do something to make things better.

Anytime someone gives up or refuses to budge to change anything, then nothing will ever improve and you’ll have those circumstances where people come to terribly sad conclusions like “irreconcilable differences” and the like.

I think it’s really for a lack of determination to find a way, honestly. But it’s hard to change people. And people will always insist that you are the one who is wrong, though sometimes you might not actually be.

(That’s not to say I’m never wrong, just that it’s hard to put in a word if all others care about is pointing out who’s right/wrong rather than what was actually needed for the situation.)

I suppose it seems like I am speaking in riddles. Well, I can’t decide how much details I should write about on a public platform like this blog.

Oh, but this is my space. Perhaps I shouldn’t care as much.

What do you think, my dear reader? Should we bring out the closet skeletons? Might be fun for a bit, no?

Terrified

If what most people say is to be believed, you’d think that the worse thing about parenthood is that you lose your freedom, your sense of individuality and your ability to sleep soundly without a care in the world.

But honestly, I think they are utterly wrong.

The most terrible part of parenting is really this: Constant feelings of guilt, inadequacy and worry.

Guilt because you almost always feel like you aren’t doing enough for your children. A regretful sentiment that convinces you that, time and again, you fail them in multiple ways that you cannot even recount yet cannot simply forget.

Inadequacy because you can’t shake off a nagging thought that perhaps you aren’t really suited for this virtually lifelong responsibility. Hence, you are perpetually messing things up.

And worry because you know your children are still vulnerable, and yet you can’t protect them enough from every single danger there is that lurks out there.

To top it all, the terrifying truth about all this is that there is no quick fix to dissolve all these tumultuous emotions for you. You have to live with them, and they inescapably change you.

But perhaps you can attempt to determine what kind of impact you will allow it to have on you. At the very least it’s something you can control.

The end looms far into the future, but you have today. And maybe, if you remained focussed on the right stuff, it just might be enough to get you through.

This ought to be your hope. It is certainly mine.